We returned from a weekend visiting my family in Glasgow yesterday, all absolutely exhausted and in need of an early night... all 3 boys grumpy and unsettled, up every hour or so and mummy and daddy both grumpy. not a mix for a nice sunday night in...
Sitting in the darkness in Fraser's room, in the nursing chair with him latched on for the twentieth time that night, in an attempt to get him to sleep. I was sitting, hoping the next time I looked down he would be sleeping and I could go to sleep too. Then the baby woke up, Fraser was lying across my tummy and the baby started kicking hard, I moved fraser across in case he was squishing squishy but he/she kept kicking and nudging :) It was as if he/she was playing with his/her brother from the womb. I started day dreaming about how they would play together and watching them bond. Picturing Frasers reaction when we introduced him to the new baby and watching him teach it how to play and run after him... after a while I looked down, fraser was fast asleep with his hand on my tummy and the baby still nudging it <3 ahhh the bliss of little bits of life you forget to appreciate in the middle of a tired, sleepless night. :)
Monday, 9 January 2012
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
silly me....
It was my 27th birthday today, after a mental festive season at home with 3 hyper, excited, unsettled boys and a quieter new year, I was looking forward to doing something different. I had in my head, a plan to visit local tea rooms for tea and cream scones, search through charity shops for forgotten trasures and have a browse around some little boutique shops with amazing quirky things I wish I could afford... I awoke to a lovely cup of tea in bed, a kicking baby in my tummy, a very grumpy toddler who just wanted milkies! a handmade card from my bigger boys <3 and of course being spoilt (by my wonderful husband) with a new laptop for my present :)
I also awoke to a storm. All friends I was meant to see, had to cancel and stay in doors and my plans had to be halted. I was upset, the boys were stir crazy and it seemed for the 3rd year in a row, my birthay plans would be thwarted by the lovely Scottish weather. I was grumping around in my pjs.
Ben came into my room and was upset, he asked in a little voice, "mummy, why cant you just be happy to spend your birthday with us, we dont want you to go out and dont like seeing you uspet" with big tears running down his cheeks! oh my aching heart! My sweet sensitive boy, how could I have been so stupid... there was no reason to be upset that my birthday was always on a rubbish day, that my plans were always cancelled. I had everything I needed right here and felt incredibly guilty for ever wishing to be away from them for just a short time. Yes, they are a handful and can drive me halfway to insanity somedays but only with typical little boy things, that actually are just normal and healthy (things that adults forget about as they grow up and become wound up at).
Little boys run around mad, they are always busy and always asking questions, they dont like tea rooms, boutiques or shopping and they get wound up and excited easily... but thats the magic of little boys... They are hard work but they reward you ten fold with their sensitive hearts and their innocent minds. My birthdays were never meant to be all about me (even though sometimes even mummies need this just a little) they weren't spoiled by the weather or cancelled plans, they have been enriched with childrens laughter and play and I wouldnt have it any other way.
Today I thought about unfulfilled my life used to be, about how much I had gained and learned from these amazing little creatures in the past 6 years, and how much happier I am, now that I have all that I have. I felt like all my birthdays had came at once. Some people are not so blessed and I needed to write this down so that I could read it the next time I feel' hard done by' or disappointed over something silly... There are worse things I could be feeling and worse things that could happen and I am so grateful that all I had to be upset over today was the weather... silly me...
I also awoke to a storm. All friends I was meant to see, had to cancel and stay in doors and my plans had to be halted. I was upset, the boys were stir crazy and it seemed for the 3rd year in a row, my birthay plans would be thwarted by the lovely Scottish weather. I was grumping around in my pjs.
Ben came into my room and was upset, he asked in a little voice, "mummy, why cant you just be happy to spend your birthday with us, we dont want you to go out and dont like seeing you uspet" with big tears running down his cheeks! oh my aching heart! My sweet sensitive boy, how could I have been so stupid... there was no reason to be upset that my birthday was always on a rubbish day, that my plans were always cancelled. I had everything I needed right here and felt incredibly guilty for ever wishing to be away from them for just a short time. Yes, they are a handful and can drive me halfway to insanity somedays but only with typical little boy things, that actually are just normal and healthy (things that adults forget about as they grow up and become wound up at).
Little boys run around mad, they are always busy and always asking questions, they dont like tea rooms, boutiques or shopping and they get wound up and excited easily... but thats the magic of little boys... They are hard work but they reward you ten fold with their sensitive hearts and their innocent minds. My birthdays were never meant to be all about me (even though sometimes even mummies need this just a little) they weren't spoiled by the weather or cancelled plans, they have been enriched with childrens laughter and play and I wouldnt have it any other way.
Today I thought about unfulfilled my life used to be, about how much I had gained and learned from these amazing little creatures in the past 6 years, and how much happier I am, now that I have all that I have. I felt like all my birthdays had came at once. Some people are not so blessed and I needed to write this down so that I could read it the next time I feel' hard done by' or disappointed over something silly... There are worse things I could be feeling and worse things that could happen and I am so grateful that all I had to be upset over today was the weather... silly me...
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