marter

After the big drama about trying Fraser in his own room and us just not being ready, apart from being ill last week, he still isnt settling in our bed. He has a small cot beside my bed and he asks to go in it after feeds, so this is a good compromise for us. I dont want him to sleep in a cot, he has kind of chosen this himself so that makes it easier to go with.
I have had his room almost done now for a few weeks and its literally sitting there waiting for him. Beautiful safari animal theme with a nursing chair, cuddly toys and lovely things, all placed and arranged with lots of love and thought, but it lies empty and every night I pass by it and put him in our room.
Tonight however, I needed to tidy our room and put the new furniture in whilst the kiddies were asleep, so on the off chance he might settle in his own room just until I sort our room out, I fed him in the nursing chair and put him in his own big cot. He rolled over, went to sleep and is still asleep now!
You would think this would be music to my ears, I should be enjoying it and rellieved that it was so easy.... oddly no... I feel uneasy and at 2am I am sat here writing this rather than go to bed without him... am I never happy?!?
We will see how we both feel tomorrow, it might be back to sleeping beside mummy. I am quite happy to do what he wants and go with it when he is ready. I think the process of moving from mum and dads room and bed to his own room and cot is going to be a gradual process and maybe we both needs nights like these to ease us in gently.

Kelly ann xx

realisations in the dark

Recently, Fraser has been a bit of a nightmare. He has been teething and we have been quite sleep deprived. We have breastfed and co slept since the day he was born and he has always been fab at night. But... recently in my sleep deprived state, I have fallen into the trap of listening to the "he should be in his own bed by now, things will settle down when he is in his own room" blah de blah spiel! :(

In a frustrated, tired mess last night, I sat with him in his own room, breastfed him and settled him into his own cot. He slept all night! I started thinking that maybe I was being selfish keeping him in my room and he did need his own room... until tonight.
As I sat next to his cot with an overtired, unsettled baby and my hand through the bars trying to soothe him I suddenly thought, what the hell am I doing!!! This is against everything I believe in! Why am I not cuddling him, holding him next to me and settling him the way he has been settled since birth??? I picked him up, took him to our bed and as we lay feeding and snuggled up together, we stepped right back into our little bubble, our oasis of calm and bonding we have enjoyed since birth. It hit me... us mummies have it hard, sleep deprivation is hard, making the right decisions is hard, not taking the advice we dont feel is right, is hard! but really, in the grand scheme of things, its only a tiny part of our lives. Our babies will soon be grown. Every family have their own situations to work around and every baby is ready for things at different times, my little boy isnt ready for his own room... he still needs his mummy at nights and he still wants breastmilk, cuddles to sleep, to be carried in slings and to wear his bright colourful nappies and his rompers. I am gonna enjoy them while he still does because very soon he wont...

introductions :)

I am Kelly :) I am married to my absolute best friend in the world and we have 3 sons. Ben is 5, Jamie is 4, Fraser is 18 months.
I have wanted to start a blog for a while, mostly because I want to capture these moments with my young family, to share them and have them to look back on, but also to practice my writing skills and to blog my learning curves. These kiddies teach me something new everyday and I want to remember what they teach me and treasure it. 
With each of my babies I have grown more as a person than anything else in my life has allowed. Fraser my youngest has taught me, probably the most valuable lessons, most of which I wish I had learnt when I had Ben and Jamie. Things would have been so much easier...

I also work with mummies who inspire me and leave me in awe, everyday. Working in breastfeeding support, I see a lot of different mums with different aims and experiences. Some of these mothers have left a lasting impression on my heart and although no names or circumstances will be brought up in this blog for obvious reasons, the lessons I learn from these wonderful, dedicated mothers will hopefully shine through in my words :)